


Commandments of Olympus (...okay, and a few Cthonians)

by Siha_Shepard



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, Hellenistic Religion & Lore
Genre: Adultery, Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Disney References, F/M, Fourth Wall, History Jokes, Infidelity, Lecherous Zeus, Lists, M/M, Mythology References, Other, Past Infidelity, Percy Jackson References, Puns & Word Play, Skyrim References, Wine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-08-26 14:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16683199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siha_Shepard/pseuds/Siha_Shepard
Summary: Christianity's Ten Commandments are quite well-known and are (mostly) heeded daily...But what if another pantheon had their own commandments?





	1. Zeus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edicts(?) of Zeus, King of the Gods, the Oathkeeper, the Thunderer, God of the Sky, Weather, Order, and Lawkeeping.

 

**Zeus **

 

  1. Never, EVER, be a dick to guests in your home, unlike a certain king who tried to feed me his nephew when he invited me and my family into his house*.   
  

  2. It's one thing to keep a promise. It's another to keep an oath. It's an entirely different thing to keep an oath sworn by the river Styx.   
  

  3. Speaking from experience...if you've got power, use it  _however you can_ , perks and privileges included.  
  

  4. No matter where you go, married or no...the grass  _might_ be greener on the other side~.  
  

  5. If your siblings happen to be getting on your nerves with their constant squabbling...just threaten to kick their ass! Works everytime!   
  

  6. I believe I might be the poster boy for this phrase...."Might Makes Right".   
  

  7. About Disney's little...rework of me...Yup! Totally happened! Every little thing! My son being both mine AND Hera, my dumbass older brother getting his ass kicked by my son, and my wife totally not attempting to murder my son in any way! All true~!   

  8. For anyone who thinks that there's a camp full of my who-knows-how-many great grandkids and  _I_ made a vow to never let my lightning rod go off in anyone that's there and  _isn't_ nagging my damn ear off... **They're a damn idiot.**    
  

  9. I believe there is a lady who holds domain over the wind and sky, is a badass woman, leads the dead to the afterlife,  _AND_ she protects dear granny Gaea's creations. This..."Kynareth", or "Kyne", "Khenarthi"**, or whatever...Is she single~?



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Tantalus, a king who often acted as a host to the gods, grew prideful and blasphemous and attempted to prove the fallibility of the gods...by cooking his own nephew into a stew and feeding it to his divine guests. Unfortunately for him, they were onto his plan from the get-go, sent him to Tartarus with a single lightning bolt, and was punishment with eternal temptation and starvation with eternally receding water and TANTALIZING low-hanging fruit that always leapt from his reach.
> 
> ** This is an obvious reference that may make Elder Scrolls fans giggle a bit; in the expansive multi-pantheon of the Elder Scrolls series, there is a goddess, or Divine, who mainly goes by 'Kynareth' but in different' races' pantheons she is called 'Kyne' or 'Khenarthi'; not only is she goddess over wind, rain, sky, and the elements, she also acts as a psychopomp akin to Hermes and guides the dead to the afterlife. Soooo, seeing a powerful lady like that, of course Zeus would be...interested.


	2. Hera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Hera, Queen of the Gods, Wife of Zeus, Goddess of Marriage, and Protector of (Faithfully Married) Women.

 

**Hera**

 

  1. If you happen to cheat on your spouse for  _any_ kind of utterly stupid reason...you literally deserve the worst things to happen to you.   
  

  2. Any woman in a relationship should fully adhere to the phrase "Hell hath no fury like the scorn of a woman".  
  

  3. Do NOT trust ANYONE who says they have a gift "for the fairest". Or anyone named Paris. Or apples. Or cuckoo birds.   
  

  4. If your spouse cheats on you, if there's one thing you must believe from me,  _NEVER_ _simply sit there and take it._  
If there's one thing an unfaithful spouse hates, it's a weak-willed partner. DO NOT give them the satisfaction.  
  

  5. Marriage counselors are your best friend. Maury Povich, however, is your second best friend~.  
  

  6. If anyone tells you that peacocks are not the best bird, they're lying.  
Annihilate them.  
  

  7. If a garbage fire of a marriage does happen to end in divorce...just don't end things quietly.   
Go down swinging, right to the very end.  
  

  8. ...If your spouse...has changed drastically from when you first met and when you vowed yourself to him--erm,  _them_ , do not be as foolish a girl as I was.  
Do not be fooled in thinking that simple  _hope_ will be enough to change the one you vowed yourself to.  
  

  9. There are people that praise another who holds sway over marriage as well as my dear older sister's domain of family and home. "Mara", they call her. Whoever this "Mara" is...may she teach a fellow goddess...how to feel warmth again...?



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you're happy with the slight...liberties I took with Hera's commandments! Let me know if anything can be improved!


	3. Poseidon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Poseidon, the Earth Shaker, the God of Seas and Oceans, the God of Horses, and the God of Earthquakes.

**Poseidon**

 

  1. Do  _NOT_ be a dick and dump your trashy shit into my domain! If you won't listen to fucking Captain Planet... _then maybe you might listen to me._  
  

  2. _DON'T_ bring up anything related to Athena around me; she's still... _olivid_ about what went down between me and Medusa...and I'm still pretty  _salty_ about the contest for her precious dinky town of Athens.  
_  
_
  3. Call my trident a giant fork. I dare you.  
  

  4. Nobody stole from me. Nobody hurt my son. Nobody fucking  _blinded_ my son. So, whoever traverses the ocean in my name, please. Drown this 'Nobody' for me...and my dear Polyphemus.  
  

  5. If you happen to be...caught in someone else's net while you're, ahem,  _"fishing"_ , and they're not all that fond of their catch trying to get away, don't worry; there are tons of fish in the sea~.  
  

  6. Yes, I indeed have a son named Triton. No, I can't remember if I have a daughter named Mindy or seven grand-daughters whose names all start with 'A', or even fucking someone named Sally and having some kid named Percy. I  _do_ , however, have a crabby royal advisor who is also a crab.   
  

  7. If you're curious, whomever is reading my edicts, there  _is_ a reason why I hold domain over horses, of all things! What, you ask? Ask Demeter; she'll give you a very... _detailed_ description~. In fact, she'll probably mention that I was... _hung like a horse_.  
  

  8. I've said it once, and I'll say it again:  _Don't be a dick to the ocean._




	4. Demeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Demeter, Mother of Persephone, Goddess of the Harvest, Nature, Fertility, and Grain.

 

** Demeter **

 

  1. Never be a dick to Mother Nature.  

  2. When is Earth Day?  **** _EVERY DAY._  
  

  3. For anyone with a child, always practice this adage..."Mother Knows Best".  
  

  4. Do. Not. Trust. Horses*.  
  

  5. For those that read my commandments that are bearing the fruit of your wombs...treasure them.  
Hold them close for as long as you can. You never know when they'll be...blossoming and taking root elsewhere.  
  

  6. Whether a sapling of a  _kore_ , or a woman in full bloom... **never** insult a mother's daughter. Just ask Minthe**~.  
  

  7. I know this sounds salty coming from me, but... _opposites never attract_.   
  

  8. No matter how old or tall a plant grows, or how many fruits it gives...it is still the plant that you tended to, with your own two hands.  
So, cherish your chi--ah, your... _plant_ as much as you can.



 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * During her wandering the barren earth in her search for her daughter Kore(soon named Persephone), Demeter was assaulted and taken advantage of by Poseidon in the form of a horse.
> 
> ** In the origin story of the mint plant(*coughLOREOLYMPUScough*), a nymph named Minthe was Hades' lover (some sources say she was before he wedded Persephone and others say during the couple's marriage). After Minthe shot her mouth off one too many times and boasted that Hades would dump Persephone for her, either Persephone or Demeter got so angry and trampled her under foot, turning the nymph into a mint plant.


	5. Hestia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments and Edicts of Hestia, the Virgin Goddess of the Famiily, Hearth, and Home, Firstborn Daughter of Kronos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about time this goddess got _some_ recognition!
> 
> However, this may be the shortest of Edicts and Commandments because, well...  
> She's smart enough to keep to herself.

 

**Hestia**

 

  1. Sometimes it's  _good_ to be out of the spotlight. Better to not be famous at all rather than be infamous for something, like  _some_ relatives.  

  2. You  _can_ choose your family. Your friends  _can_ be your family. Never forget that.  

  3. Though you may lack a roof or walls, home can be anywhere you feel, well, at home!  
  

  4. Family, blood or not, are the ones that always keep warm.  
  

  5. If a loved one who was wandering for who knows how long needs a place to call home, never hesitate to help them out*!



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This is a reference to the possibility of Hestia stepping down from her throne/place among Olympus to give her spot to the last and 'youngest' (or oldest, according to a source that will be referenced soon) Olympian known as Dionysus so she could tend the Flame/Hearth of Olympus.


	6. Apollo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Apollo, Phoebus, the Hunter, the Healer, the Leader of the Muses, the God of Healing, Music, Prophecy, the Sun, and Poetry.

 

**Apollo **

 

  1. I'm only saying this once... _PRAISE THE SUN!_  
  

  2. Always bring a bow to a gun fight.   
I don't care if you get pumped full of lead, or get riddled with bullets. Bows. Are. Superior.  
  

  3. Medicine and literally  _anything_ relating to it is always a good idea. **Anything.**    
  

  4. If at first you don't succeed, try try again...Even if they jump off a cliff, or turn into a tree...or get killed by a discus...  
I need a moment...  
  

  5. For my followers and acolytes that are musically inclined, if anyone challenges you to a test of skill...  
 _FLAY THEM ALIVE AND WEAR THEIR SKIN AS A TROPHY.  
_
  6. If you have a sibling that is old enough to date, and they show interest in someone, you have two options:  
a. Protect them at every turn and make sure the other person doesn't even hold their hand  
b. **Deception.**  
  

  7. No matter what happens to your sibling, no matter the fights, the tears, the laughs, and even the losses...Cherish them and protect them at all costs.   
  

  8. Reports of me owning a stark golden Corvette, being a stalker, and having purple skin have been...somewhat exaggerated*.  
  

  9. If you happen to have a feeling that something will happen and it happens anyway despite everyone's doubts, you have my blessing to say 'I told you so'~.  
  

  10. Puns in any work of literature is totally 100%  _LEGAL_! No matter how many people threaten you with death over doing so!



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Reference to Apollo's design in Lore Olympus, a wonderfully addictive Webtoon comic by Rachel Smythe~! Feel free to check it out and AVOID SPOILERS~! Have fun~!


End file.
